Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
