I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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