dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
