I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
