How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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