I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
