I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
You smell like stripper and shame
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
