but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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