we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
