i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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