i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
