bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
