You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
