just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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