I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
