I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
