Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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