I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
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