He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
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Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
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Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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