I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
