She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
