I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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