Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
