He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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