there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
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Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
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I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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