How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
