That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
