Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
