why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Holy shit dude........stairs
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