i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
