Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
