I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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