We're facebook friends in real life
P.S. I can't hear my feet
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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