Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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