dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
