He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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