So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
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