every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
