dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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