so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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