Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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