You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
