im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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