So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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