Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
