A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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