summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
