Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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