Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
