My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
