FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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