I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
No...this little piggys going to the bar
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Randomize
