Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
