Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
