It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
