I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
