i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
