it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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