Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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