These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
