Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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