I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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