you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
