i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
