Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I wish there were birth control emojis
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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