I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Also, beer. Big fan.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize
