guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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