Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
