Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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