She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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