Apparently you make a good broom.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
