It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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