Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Randomize
