Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
