There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
