I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
